What's the officer problem?

Just a quick recap of some the latest events in the world of sports and entertainment that are not to be celebrated:

Apparently the Detroit Lions have an assistant coach who likes to drive in the nude....drunk. Here is the question. Do you make him get out of the car and do a sobriety test? I am all for busting drunk drivers. But I am not for seeing any mid age coach's manhood. That is just not ballin.

Penn State has banned alcohol during tailgating in the area surrounding to the stadium. The school said that 353 students were taken to the emergency last year due to overconsumption of alcohol and that home football games were the root cause of this large number. The heaviest volume was after the home football win against Ohio State. I wonder if anyone dared to point out that Penn State had been playing like crap since the early '90s and that maybe the students were a little happy to have a winning season on campus. Bunch of amateurs.

Next on the list, Larimer County prosecutors have issued arrest warrants for five currents members of the Colorado State football team. The felony charges range from forgery to theft to indentity theft. No word yet on if the charges were in response to Colorado State's attempt at passing themselves off as D-I football players.

A man who left a threatening phone message to former Notre Dame football coach Tyrone Willingham, pleaded guilty and has been fined $2,000 after performing community service and writing an apology. This is an ugly precedent to set. Now every drunk person has to be careful when threatening an overrated coach? That sucks!! That is half the fun about following sports.

Clarett is denied a request to conduct a survey to determine if he could obtain a fair trial. You screwed over Ohio State, an insurance company, and got caught wearing a bullet proof vest, while drinking vodka and carrying loaded fire arms. Does it really matter if its fair?

Texas cornerback Tarell Brown has tested negative after a drug screening for cocaine and weed. He has alreday been suspended for this weekend's game against Ohio State for his role in an incident that involved a hand gun and marijuana and led to his arrest. Not sure if that will affect his ability to play Saturday or beyond.

Bob Uecker has a stalker and she has been ordered to stay away for four years. The stalker claims to be a big Brewers fan and has been stalking him for about seven years. I wonder if Joe Buck has any stalkers?

Marion Jones' "B" sample turns up clean. Guess that masking agent she uses really does work. Jones' former husband (CJ Hunter), her coach (Trevor Graham), and her baby's daddy (Tim Montgomery) have all been busted for using and supplying performance enhancing drugs. But of course she doesn't know a thing about that.

And not to be outdone by the athletes, Paris Hilton was arrested on a DUI charge. How did they know she was drunk? She acts and talks like a drunk idiot all the time, already.